awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
