Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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