It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
