I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
