do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
