Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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