i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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