Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
