I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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