Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The air taste purple.
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