We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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