Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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