i jhust puked up my retainher.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
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Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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