just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize