Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
