I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize