when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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