I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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