I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
