Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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