2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
