whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
