I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
