SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
