how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My ass is underappreciated
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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