Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
