They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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