ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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