My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you're hired as official boob wrangler
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
