garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
