I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
