You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
