okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
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After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
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Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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