I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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