I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
