Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
COCAINE IS GR8