woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize