maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza