we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.