you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
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I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
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max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder