it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
try lime green
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself