You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection