just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
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Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
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Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.