Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.