Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
