I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
