Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
