Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
tell your sister to shave her snatch
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
