if i can run in heels then i can drive
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
