It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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