Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I deserve this hangover.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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