Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
