so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
