My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
