in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
