I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
