Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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