i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Randomize
