I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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