Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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