Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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