We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
