when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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