K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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