My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
