hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
