Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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