found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
