while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Success! We fucked roommates!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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