The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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