Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
