This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
