You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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