dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Bring me that man meat
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
