Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
