I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
